If pain is indeed the great renovator then I expect God uses it judiciously and with great wisdom to get our attention, draw us near and teach us how much he loves us.  Case in point:

I decided to start to really focus on getting rid of my debt (financial). I don't have a lot but enough that it annoys me on a monthly basis and, it was getting to a buy food or pay bills kind of situation. I found a promising ad in the local paper and took on two cleaning jobs. In making the decision I never once included God, invited God, consulted God. I was gonna do this, period. Now if God wanted to get behind me and support me he was more than welcome but this is how it was going to be.

Well, my loving Father, who thankfully, knows me so well and loves me so much had other plans. Into my second week I pulled a groin muscle. Man alive, I had pain before my hip replacements but not as acute or intense as this. Stubborn or stupid, I just kept on cleaning and doing my other job. The first two weeks I walked (I can't believe I did this) to and from all my jobs, some nights and days bawling like crazy with pain. One night I was facing down the hill just before my place and prayed " God, anyone who comes along and offers me a ride from here on in I am always going to say yes. Please send somebody". A car went by, slowed down and reversed. It was a musician from my churches Gospel group who had seen me hobbling around at work while they entertained that very day. He and his wife picked me up and drove me right to my door. Best part was declaring God to them as an a answer to prayer. Another time, a young girl I didn't know but who had seen me crutching (yep finally pulled out the sticks) around town offered me a lift. Many friends and acquaintances stopped too and I am grateful to everyone of you.

I still had the attitude that God should get on board with me, even as I called cried out to him in pain while cleaning. Then I got mad at him. Didn't he know how hard I was trying? Couldn't he see the good in what I was doing? I mean I could start to tithe once the debt was erased!!! Then I expanded my grievances to include things that were none of my business but I tied them to my own sense of being forsaken.

When I finally got to the part where it goes "What kind of God...?" I stumbled on a video by some of the Seattle Seahawk that stopped me in my tracks. Basically I remember two things. 1. Some things are out of our control. 2. His ways are higher. They quoted from 2 Corinthians :7 and Psalm 119.
I opened my Bible and my attitude changed. I want to be very clear : my attitude changed, Not God's. I had tried to find ways to get him to do what I wanted, what I thought was right, but no dice. His ways are higher.

Here's what I take from all of this. First of all, everything and I mean everything in my life goes through the filter of God's wisdom and love first. Any thing I want or need goes through Him. Second I learned that God can and does use pain for higher purpose. It sucks, totally, but when I am not listening drastic measures are in order (which is true for all of us). Third God never said he didn't want me to clean/pay off debt/move forward, He wants me to invite him to join me. Weird but nine weeks (yes I am that stubborn) later I opened the Bible and started to pray for everything and everyone and I had my first crutch free week. Also had my first deep, refreshing sleep last night. Coincidence? I think not. Fourth and very significantly, even in the midst of the misery I create God sends help in the form of friends and strangers. Even to an ungrateful, willful wretch like me he doesn't want me to do all by myself.

 I  am humbled and I am so loved. Thank you God for all of it, every bump and bruise that is used to bring me closer. Thank you for your blessings, for friends and strangers, for all of it. I am so grateful!