I wonder if my faith will ever be an easy, accepting float down happy, hopeful channel. Right now I am feeling defeated by the lack of answers to my prayers. I have sort of stopped asking for myself but continue to pray for others. I am so tired and worn out.

I want tangible evidence that God is indeed love. I see people I love and care about struggling with all sorts of things - family, money, work, loss and I want answers.

When I ask God he says "My ways are higher." I tell him I want to know, I am feeling wobbly and unsure and why can't he just step in and rectify this or that situation and he says "My ways are higher."

 I'm like GOD!!!!!! come on, I need this to stay on course in my walk with you, I feel like giving up, and he says "My ways are higher".

COME ON. NOW. PLEASE.  I DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING IF YOU LOVE US AND HAVE PLANS TO PROSPER US AND NOT HARM US.  He says, " I have a plan." I say well let's have it, what is it? and he says "I can't talk about it right now."

I'm like, WHAT????, then I realize his ways are higher. My needs and solutions are earthly. What I think I need and what God thinks I need are so different at times. I can trust him, I believe Jesus died on the cross for my sins and I believe more than ever that Satan would love to see me give up.

Sometimes faith is really hard. I want my family and friends and acquaintances to be safe and happy an prosperous. I want people to stop abusing each other., I want people to stop abusing animals. I want my leg to stop hurting but nothing seems to be changing in these areas.

God uses everything, nothing goes to waste. Even the most painful, ugly stuff gets put to use somewhere.

 Oh God, I hope so. My heart feels so broken right now. Show me how to use all this. Guide me through it. Show me, us your love and grace. I'm here God. I'm afraid God. Don't leave me God. I need you. Protect my friends and family. Shelter us, comfort us, love us, forgive us.

God??? Just a little message on the bathroom mirror would be so helpful.

Then I hear, "Keep praying."