Hello Anyone/Everyone
I love the community I live in. I love the layout of it, the natural beauty of it and mostly the people in it. I was at the local library today and a mom with a toddler was trying to deal with a poo bombing. She was trying to man the baby, get the key for the bathroom, figure out diapers and all of sudden there were lots of hands to help. I manned the bathroom door, the librarian had a diaper bag for emergency use, kind words were passed between all the mom's on hand and it all worked out swell. I loved the idea that the mom was not alone to try and wrangle all the necessities and that there was so much cheerful support. By the way, the library also has the best place to sit for a cool breeze and a great view during the hottest part of the day. The balcony is shaded, faces east and always seems to have a cool breeze blowing.
It isn't the first time I have had this experience here. Our landlady lived in the basement of the house we rented. It was raining hard one evening and because we lived at the bottom of a steep hill and the sewer drain quickly filled with debris the water edged ever closer to her stairwell and eventually down and into her apartment.
When the neighbours noticed they jumped in to try to sweep and shovel the water away and soon after someone from the town arrived with empty sandbags. We all chipped in to fill and stack them. I went downstairs and started to swab the decks before to much damage was done. It was a weird time to feel grateful but I really was so glad to be part of our little neighbourhood and their big view on things. Did I mention that my landlady was at the library at the time and completely unaware of everything that was going on?
This has been a really great place to raise a child. It is a smallish town with rural areas within walking distance. My son could ride his bike to his buddies houses and I felt comfortable regarding his safety. His buds came over lots during the summer and camped on the front lawn and I never had to worry. Most of the parents knew one another (which can be a good thing!). Once when I was at work boyyo was taken for stitches by another parent: another time he was driven home from the skateboard park after having taken a nasty fall. The family from the skate park didn't know boyyo but knew me from working in town.
My son still has the same friends he had through grade, middle and high school, and as a result will have 7 groomsmen plus a best man at his wedding in September. He and his fiance have talked about raising their kids here and I think it is a great idea. Nice schools, good recreation, library, rural area to run around, just so much to offer.
I'm also proud of the room within the community for those with eccentricities. There always seems to be one or two people about who have special needs or need special understanding. Local businesses especially seem to be tolerant and respectful with these individuals which allows them to stay in familiar surroundings. I think the fabric of a place is woven through with everyone who lives there and in a way we all contribute something, especially in shared histories. Inclusivity is sort of a blessing we get to bestow on others.
I grew up in Toronto but I can't imagine living in a city anymore. When I visit I feel choked and nervous. I like Vancouver for its art gallery and ocean views but would never be able to live there. I am aware that there are areas within cities that are like small communities, anchored by schools, festivals, shopping and cultural commonality yet I long for the small town. I like knowing my neighbours, I like being involved, I love feeling safe (even at night when I often venture out to take photographs) and I really love the sense of ownership I have around my community. Even better is that with that sense of ownership comes a sense of responsibility which can lead to the desire to offer your personal skills for the betterment of the community as a whole as well as the individuals who make it up. We all benefit by enriching where we live.
I bet if we all felt more like this we wouldn't litter so much, we'd hold doors for each other more often, we might even read more if all libraries were as accommodating as ours. I think there is a sense of courtesy and manners in a community that reaches beyond doing things because others are watching. It is a genuine will to improve the quality of life for everybody. Even the smallest gesture can have far reaching impacts.
Communities not lead entirely by economic values are steeped in culture and inclusivity, and I would even venture the notion that they may be ground breakers in that creative minds might be drawn to their social values. Programs that include arts, recreation, education and opportunities for all age groups that are funded by these communities do a lot to guarantee their ongoing growth and contribution,not just locally. I would totally love to be part of a proactive community.
The possibilities are endless. Ah, a new global order...get thee to a community. I mean isn't that the type of atmosphere co-op housing aims for? Group living with insight and respect and responsibility. Works for me.
Cheers Until next time
Jane
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Hope and Faith
Hi Everyone/Anyone
I wanted to talk about hope: where to find it, how to find it, the different faces it has and the need for it. We are in times, as I suspect we have always been and may always be, when things are difficult. Every generation has had its tales of woe, hardship, change, and fear. From biblical times we have failed each other, exploited what we have around us for our own profit and allowed greed to dominate when compassion would serve us better. We need hope and lots of it.
Personally I am completely fallible. I don't always do what I say I will, I am selfish, I may blame others when threatened, I am afraid lots of times and despite knowing better I still can be duped into believing that everything revolves around me. I had a challenging upbringing, and still have unpolished social skills that not only put me on the hot seat but often the folks around me too.
As I age and without a firm education it is harder to find work, harder to work full-time and harder to thus support myself. Everything is expensive, gas, housing, food. If you don't have medical benefits, dental benefits or prescription benefits being sick becomes an all round test of your survival skills, both in Canada and the US. Toys and comforts that others take for granted are out of reach to me (don't let me fool you into feeling sorry for me because most of this is my choice).
I've never been good with money and honestly haven't really cared about it that much (except when a severe ongoing shortage arose). I love, love, love to spend it (not just on myself either) when I have it and make do when I don't. I don't own a home, my car is rickety, and I don't have an RRSP.It sounds like I'm boasting but I'm not. Just establishing a bit of perspective. What I lack in tangible goods I have been blessed to overcome with friends and faith that has brought me a hope for the future I have never, ever had in my life.
So here is my firm and fearless declaration: I love God, I believe Christ died for our sins/my sins on the cross and as a result I have God in my camp. What does this mean you might be thinking? Well to me it means: you betcha I am human, sinful and so, so fallible but...it also means I have a hope in something larger and greater than myself that these character flaws can be burned off, refined and that no adversity or problem goes to waste. Every mistake or seeming shortcoming, I believe with all my being that, God uses to the good. Thoughtlessness, stupidity, missteps, criminal behavior all are used in the service of a greater good. God redeems it all for the good of others. In serving others with our real, true selves we heal and gain hope.
I know that I am called to be more than even I want myself to be and that the call to be so goes hand in hand with the tools required to meet the charge. If I hadn't been a lonely, gangly kid what would I have to say to someone who feels left out? If I hadn't tried to overrule pain with addiction how could I understand a fellow alcoholic or overeater? I never would have had an ounce of sympathy for a mother who thinks she is doing a crummy job if I hadn't been a single mom. If I wasn't under duress now what would I have to tell the people around me who struggle daily? Every adversity, struggle, hardship has gone into the person I am today, the character I am still trying to develop and the love I have for encouraging other people. Yet there is still more to hope for.
I am hurt when I hear other people talk about themselves like they have nothing to offer, like their lives amount to nothing, their struggles were just struggles with out any meaning or value. These are the people, who don't give up, care for others before themselves, are always afraid of being a burden on others, as if their stories and the courage to live them out are invisible.
They aren't. Your life has purpose and substance. Your story isn't for nothing. Maybe we don't see where it all is heading, don't get a resolution all nicely tied up with a big red bow but your difficulty can lead to hope, and wisdom and service to others. Hardship can be a pervuyer of doom or a tool of fortitude. You can either grow a pair or lose a pair. It really is a choice we make. Fall down and get back up or stay down. If you think that the fact that you have gotten up more than the average person has no worth you are wrong.
We need to stop measuring success by the lives we don't have and that others seem to come by so easily. Really, take a long hard look at our own hearts. I believe God asks us to choose who we want to be, how we want to be. For many of us this choosing has been going on a lifetime. I would bet that a lot of us have had urgings to do right, get involved, stand up for injustice,and serve others in our hearts since we were kids. Some call it Karma, fate, good instead of God but the desire for truth and better things rests in our hearts and is the essence of hope - wanting more than what we are (not have). That is hope. A call to things wanted, wished for and the belief that we can see them come to fruition is hope.
Hope looks like, getting up, standing up, rising up, perseverance, making one more step, kindness, patience, compassion, understanding, communicating, worshipping, praying, learning, being ready to face whatever comes our way with courage, living, realtionships, friendships, forgiveness, resisting temptation and so much more.
Each of us can plant hope when we let someone else know we value them, not just care about them but really let them know we believe that their existence is valuable and is never a mistake. It doesn't take much to instill this in somebody either. A chat, offering an alternate truth to the one they see, encouragement, or a compliment go a long way in bringing the hope out in someone else's life. And the really cool, weird, divine thing is that when you offer it up, it comes right back to you.
So there you go. I am a hope and encouragement junkie. I crave the giving as much as the getting but the real high is in the giving.
See you next time
Jane
I wanted to talk about hope: where to find it, how to find it, the different faces it has and the need for it. We are in times, as I suspect we have always been and may always be, when things are difficult. Every generation has had its tales of woe, hardship, change, and fear. From biblical times we have failed each other, exploited what we have around us for our own profit and allowed greed to dominate when compassion would serve us better. We need hope and lots of it.
Personally I am completely fallible. I don't always do what I say I will, I am selfish, I may blame others when threatened, I am afraid lots of times and despite knowing better I still can be duped into believing that everything revolves around me. I had a challenging upbringing, and still have unpolished social skills that not only put me on the hot seat but often the folks around me too.
As I age and without a firm education it is harder to find work, harder to work full-time and harder to thus support myself. Everything is expensive, gas, housing, food. If you don't have medical benefits, dental benefits or prescription benefits being sick becomes an all round test of your survival skills, both in Canada and the US. Toys and comforts that others take for granted are out of reach to me (don't let me fool you into feeling sorry for me because most of this is my choice).
I've never been good with money and honestly haven't really cared about it that much (except when a severe ongoing shortage arose). I love, love, love to spend it (not just on myself either) when I have it and make do when I don't. I don't own a home, my car is rickety, and I don't have an RRSP.It sounds like I'm boasting but I'm not. Just establishing a bit of perspective. What I lack in tangible goods I have been blessed to overcome with friends and faith that has brought me a hope for the future I have never, ever had in my life.
So here is my firm and fearless declaration: I love God, I believe Christ died for our sins/my sins on the cross and as a result I have God in my camp. What does this mean you might be thinking? Well to me it means: you betcha I am human, sinful and so, so fallible but...it also means I have a hope in something larger and greater than myself that these character flaws can be burned off, refined and that no adversity or problem goes to waste. Every mistake or seeming shortcoming, I believe with all my being that, God uses to the good. Thoughtlessness, stupidity, missteps, criminal behavior all are used in the service of a greater good. God redeems it all for the good of others. In serving others with our real, true selves we heal and gain hope.
I know that I am called to be more than even I want myself to be and that the call to be so goes hand in hand with the tools required to meet the charge. If I hadn't been a lonely, gangly kid what would I have to say to someone who feels left out? If I hadn't tried to overrule pain with addiction how could I understand a fellow alcoholic or overeater? I never would have had an ounce of sympathy for a mother who thinks she is doing a crummy job if I hadn't been a single mom. If I wasn't under duress now what would I have to tell the people around me who struggle daily? Every adversity, struggle, hardship has gone into the person I am today, the character I am still trying to develop and the love I have for encouraging other people. Yet there is still more to hope for.
I am hurt when I hear other people talk about themselves like they have nothing to offer, like their lives amount to nothing, their struggles were just struggles with out any meaning or value. These are the people, who don't give up, care for others before themselves, are always afraid of being a burden on others, as if their stories and the courage to live them out are invisible.
They aren't. Your life has purpose and substance. Your story isn't for nothing. Maybe we don't see where it all is heading, don't get a resolution all nicely tied up with a big red bow but your difficulty can lead to hope, and wisdom and service to others. Hardship can be a pervuyer of doom or a tool of fortitude. You can either grow a pair or lose a pair. It really is a choice we make. Fall down and get back up or stay down. If you think that the fact that you have gotten up more than the average person has no worth you are wrong.
We need to stop measuring success by the lives we don't have and that others seem to come by so easily. Really, take a long hard look at our own hearts. I believe God asks us to choose who we want to be, how we want to be. For many of us this choosing has been going on a lifetime. I would bet that a lot of us have had urgings to do right, get involved, stand up for injustice,and serve others in our hearts since we were kids. Some call it Karma, fate, good instead of God but the desire for truth and better things rests in our hearts and is the essence of hope - wanting more than what we are (not have). That is hope. A call to things wanted, wished for and the belief that we can see them come to fruition is hope.
Hope looks like, getting up, standing up, rising up, perseverance, making one more step, kindness, patience, compassion, understanding, communicating, worshipping, praying, learning, being ready to face whatever comes our way with courage, living, realtionships, friendships, forgiveness, resisting temptation and so much more.
Each of us can plant hope when we let someone else know we value them, not just care about them but really let them know we believe that their existence is valuable and is never a mistake. It doesn't take much to instill this in somebody either. A chat, offering an alternate truth to the one they see, encouragement, or a compliment go a long way in bringing the hope out in someone else's life. And the really cool, weird, divine thing is that when you offer it up, it comes right back to you.
So there you go. I am a hope and encouragement junkie. I crave the giving as much as the getting but the real high is in the giving.
See you next time
Jane
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Regrets...I have a few
Hi Anyone/Everyone
I think like most of us, I have my troubles with the past. It is interesting to me how despite efforts to lay it to rest parts of it still want addressing, resolving and reliving. I have spent a good part, okay most, of my adult life trying to alternately run (move west and away from family stuff), hide from it (drink, drugs, boyfriends, cigarettes and food) and even thinking I had made peace with it and so there was no need to revisit it.
Guess what? This does not seem to be the case. Geographical cures last as long as the newness of the move is fresh and addictions demand more and more of you. Essentially I did not/do not want to die from an addiction but the big question/mystery has been how to move forward.
For some reason ( okay I know who is in charge of these incidents and it ain't fate or coincidence) the past wants me to come for a holiday but in my mind it is the kind of holiday where you are trapped on a cruise ship, in high seas with 350 other passengers all of you having a norovirus. I don't think the reference to nasty bodily functions is overstating it at all.
My sponsor used to say with me it was like dragging a wieney through a keyhole. I think of it more like trying to walk a donkey.
I'm pretty good at avoiding the pain and discomfort from my early years and can create any number of handy distractions in service of this.To start to overcome this I cancelled my cable. The call from back then is just to strong to ignore and for the first time, I mean really ever, I have a living, breathing hope that a lasting reconcilliation is possible.
Yikes, I do not want to be 4 or 7 or 13 again. I don't want to feel the isolation, lonliness, fear and despair. What I am encountering on the 'road of happy destiny' is that all of that emotion filters into how I react/behave today. My boss is not my Dad or Mom in the middle of bitter divorce proceedings but when it comes to critisism or feeling overlooked...whoosh I am 8 again and the feelings of insecurity and wondering what is going to happen to me flood through me and I feel completely overwhelmed even though I am a perfectly capable adult. It puts a lot of pressure on friends, lovers, coworkers, anyone on authority figures and family to have that lost kid dictating what this giant middle aged woman is doing and how she is behaving. I truly believe that freedom is in changing what you believe about yourself and the world around you but the tricky thing is you need to know what you believed then to adjust the now. O Crap!!!
Okay so here we are on the road but what comes next? I have become teachable. I have been so blessed in my life to have loving friends who walked the miles (maybe not all but kept me moving along the route) with me. I have had some fantastic loving, easy going guys who demanded very little and brought tons of happiness and fun to the mix. I have also been lucky to have found really good counsellors when I was ready for a little shove into the future. And, God seems to drop books on me just when I need them. Authors have been like inukshuks to me. Peak through the gap and see where to go next.
I suppose one of the primary urges is the desire for change. I want more, I think there is something out in the world I'm not accessing and I want it. I want to grow up, want to like and respect myself, want to be free of fearing I won't be liked or accepted and mostly I want peaceful, fulfilling, intimate realtionships both give and take. I have such a craving right now to be authentic and be surrounded by people who not only support me in this drive but whom I can support too.
Part of what makes the past so hard for me right now is not so much how it effected me but how my siblings suffered. I love them so much and to think of them deprived of anything they might have needed and deserved as kids and knowing (without spilling it to you guys) the true depth of the deprivations kills me. I am so, so sad for those kids and so guilt ridden for not having done more, although May 4, 2011 Jane knows surviving and wanting more was worth what I couldn't do. I want to go back and fix everything, love them unconditionally, rescue them from harm so that their adult lives could be better but, that is what makes the past such a beatch, you can look but you can't touch.
What's a girl to do?? Build new relationships with loved ones, old and new that's what. Be fearless, fall down and get back up. No way is it easy or fast but the love you feel comes forward and it is the absolute best foundation to build on. Don't let to many days go by before you try to mend fences with every one you are in conflict with ( and I do mean everyone). I don't know if you are like me but as soon as I get rubbing up against other people the opportunities for growth, humility and knowledge just grow and grow.
And you know what? I don't care if I make mistakes, have to apologize, flounder like Bambi on ice. I am trying to resolve this stuff. I have joked for years that I am like a Weeble...I wobble but don't fall down. As my faith and hope increase I believe that these desires can be accomplished and I'd bet the farm on that one!
Talk to you soon
Jane
I think like most of us, I have my troubles with the past. It is interesting to me how despite efforts to lay it to rest parts of it still want addressing, resolving and reliving. I have spent a good part, okay most, of my adult life trying to alternately run (move west and away from family stuff), hide from it (drink, drugs, boyfriends, cigarettes and food) and even thinking I had made peace with it and so there was no need to revisit it.
Guess what? This does not seem to be the case. Geographical cures last as long as the newness of the move is fresh and addictions demand more and more of you. Essentially I did not/do not want to die from an addiction but the big question/mystery has been how to move forward.
For some reason ( okay I know who is in charge of these incidents and it ain't fate or coincidence) the past wants me to come for a holiday but in my mind it is the kind of holiday where you are trapped on a cruise ship, in high seas with 350 other passengers all of you having a norovirus. I don't think the reference to nasty bodily functions is overstating it at all.
My sponsor used to say with me it was like dragging a wieney through a keyhole. I think of it more like trying to walk a donkey.
I'm pretty good at avoiding the pain and discomfort from my early years and can create any number of handy distractions in service of this.To start to overcome this I cancelled my cable. The call from back then is just to strong to ignore and for the first time, I mean really ever, I have a living, breathing hope that a lasting reconcilliation is possible.
Yikes, I do not want to be 4 or 7 or 13 again. I don't want to feel the isolation, lonliness, fear and despair. What I am encountering on the 'road of happy destiny' is that all of that emotion filters into how I react/behave today. My boss is not my Dad or Mom in the middle of bitter divorce proceedings but when it comes to critisism or feeling overlooked...whoosh I am 8 again and the feelings of insecurity and wondering what is going to happen to me flood through me and I feel completely overwhelmed even though I am a perfectly capable adult. It puts a lot of pressure on friends, lovers, coworkers, anyone on authority figures and family to have that lost kid dictating what this giant middle aged woman is doing and how she is behaving. I truly believe that freedom is in changing what you believe about yourself and the world around you but the tricky thing is you need to know what you believed then to adjust the now. O Crap!!!
Okay so here we are on the road but what comes next? I have become teachable. I have been so blessed in my life to have loving friends who walked the miles (maybe not all but kept me moving along the route) with me. I have had some fantastic loving, easy going guys who demanded very little and brought tons of happiness and fun to the mix. I have also been lucky to have found really good counsellors when I was ready for a little shove into the future. And, God seems to drop books on me just when I need them. Authors have been like inukshuks to me. Peak through the gap and see where to go next.
I suppose one of the primary urges is the desire for change. I want more, I think there is something out in the world I'm not accessing and I want it. I want to grow up, want to like and respect myself, want to be free of fearing I won't be liked or accepted and mostly I want peaceful, fulfilling, intimate realtionships both give and take. I have such a craving right now to be authentic and be surrounded by people who not only support me in this drive but whom I can support too.
Part of what makes the past so hard for me right now is not so much how it effected me but how my siblings suffered. I love them so much and to think of them deprived of anything they might have needed and deserved as kids and knowing (without spilling it to you guys) the true depth of the deprivations kills me. I am so, so sad for those kids and so guilt ridden for not having done more, although May 4, 2011 Jane knows surviving and wanting more was worth what I couldn't do. I want to go back and fix everything, love them unconditionally, rescue them from harm so that their adult lives could be better but, that is what makes the past such a beatch, you can look but you can't touch.
What's a girl to do?? Build new relationships with loved ones, old and new that's what. Be fearless, fall down and get back up. No way is it easy or fast but the love you feel comes forward and it is the absolute best foundation to build on. Don't let to many days go by before you try to mend fences with every one you are in conflict with ( and I do mean everyone). I don't know if you are like me but as soon as I get rubbing up against other people the opportunities for growth, humility and knowledge just grow and grow.
And you know what? I don't care if I make mistakes, have to apologize, flounder like Bambi on ice. I am trying to resolve this stuff. I have joked for years that I am like a Weeble...I wobble but don't fall down. As my faith and hope increase I believe that these desires can be accomplished and I'd bet the farm on that one!
Talk to you soon
Jane
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)